Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Getting back to knitting

Things have happened here that has taken its toll on me and as a result I have not been knitting.
My son who is 35 has decided to rake up the past and blame me for everything that went wrong with his Father and the fact that there were no Christmas's etc in the home. I was at the time married to a violent, abusive, control freak and was literally in fear of my life.
Well eventually I got divorced and lets say things went from bad to worse. It all ended with my eldest daughter being involved with crime and drugs and me refusing to lie for her in Court, my son left home saying I was out of order and my youngest deciding to follow the same path and taken into care at 14. With their Father causing trouble and my eldest daughter's friends making trouble I left the area.
I did eventually move back as my son was in contact with me and everything had calmed down.
Now I am being accused of being a bad mother and abandoning them.

Why all this now? He has a son of his own and has said that he would never do what I did as it was un-natural not to back up your own child no matter what they do.
I won't go into what he said but it really cut deep.I was so upset that it brought back all the memories and old feelings that I had  dealt with through a therapist. I am not going to made to feel guilty about the past I did what I could at the time and eventually my son will see that.
No one knows the pain I went through back then and what it has done to bring all this back up again.
 I am letting it alone and getting on with my life as dwelling on it is going to do nothing except make me depressed.

I left my son saying I loved him and always will.
I have lost all the children now and all the Grandchildren and it hurts so much that I could not do anything for a while but I am picking up the pieces and working through this again.

So I will be knitting again and posting what I make, you never know what is around the corner but I do know this I will bounce back and I will make things for others no matter what.


  1. Paula, I read your post with a tear, I admire your strength to write all this down and send you the biggest hug. Families, I just do not know what to say except hang on in there, you have all of us if you need us - much love xxx

  2. Thank you I am keeping busy and will get through this.